A new chapter requires a new you
- Patricia Abarte
- Apr 19
- 3 min read
Updated: Jun 14
There’s a moment that often comes with starting something new.
A new city. A new direction. A new version of your life.
It’s exciting—but also uncomfortable in ways you don’t always expect.
Recently, while I was in Mexico City, I received a message from a stranger responding to something I had shared. It wasn’t particularly kind, and it made an assumption about me that didn’t feel true at all.
A few years ago, that kind of message would have really stayed with me. It would have triggered that part of me that wants to be understood—fully, deeply, and correctly.
But this time, it didn’t land the same way.
There was a brief moment of annoyance… and then it passed.
And that’s when I realized something had shifted.
Listen to the episode here:
Timestamps:
00:48 – The overlooked essential for any next chapter
01:17 – The DM that sparked this episode
02:05 – When strangers' comments reveal something deeper
03:32 – What the message actually highlighted: next-level identity
05:12 – Why being misread as an "ignorant gringa" hit a nerve
07:37 – How the need to be understood was blocking her growth
08:55 – The identity shift required to truly level up
10:31 – Your decision needs an identity upgrade to match
11:21 – Practical examples: single expat, career, family, business
14:23 – Why decisions without inner alignment fizzle out
The part of you that wants to be understood
For a long time, I cared a lot about being seen in my depth and nuance.
I didn’t want people to misunderstand me. I didn’t want to be reduced to assumptions. I didn’t want to be put in a box that didn’t fit.
And while there’s nothing wrong with that, I started to see how much it was shaping the way I showed up.
I held back. I softened my opinions. I stayed in spaces where I could be fully explained and understood.
But growth doesn’t work like that.
What it actually takes to level up
When you want to grow—really grow—you have to accept something uncomfortable:
Not everyone will understand you.
Not everyone will see your full story, your intentions, or your nuance.
And if you’re not okay with that, it will hold you back.
Because every next level of your life requires you to be seen more—and misunderstood more too.
It’s not just about the decision
We often think that change starts with a decision.
“I’m going to move abroad.” “I’m going to start a business.” “I’m going to do something different.”
But the decision is just the beginning.
The real question is:
Can you carry it?
Because if your identity doesn’t match the life you’re stepping into, things start to wobble.
You second-guess yourself. You compare yourself to others. You feel pulled back into what feels familiar.
Different life paths, same pattern
This shows up in so many ways.
If you want to move abroad again, you need to become someone who feels steady in her choices—even when everyone around you is living a completely different life.
If you want to go all-in on your career, you need to expand your capacity for pressure, responsibility, and uncertainty.
If you want to start your own business, you need to be willing to be seen—without hiding behind a role or a title.
If you want a relationship, you might need to become more open, more honest, more vulnerable than you’ve been before.
In every case, the pattern is the same:
The life you want requires a version of you who can hold it.
A different question to ask yourself
Instead of asking:
“What should I do next?”
Try asking:
“Who do I need to become to carry this?”
Because that’s where real change happens.
Not just in what you choose—but in who you become.
And once that shifts, everything else starts to follow.
This is what I dive into in episode #102 of This Expat Life.
Listen here:
If any of these notes resonated with you, and you would like to explore more of yourself, my programs are the right containers for you to accelerate your growth or your next chapter:
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