Decision Making: The 5 Hidden Autopilots Keeping You Stuck
- Patricia Abarte
- Jun 11
- 4 min read
Have you ever felt completely stuck between two options?
Maybe you're wondering whether to stay abroad or move home. Maybe you're questioning your career, your relationship, or your next big life chapter. You keep thinking about it, analyzing it, and revisiting it—but somehow you're still in the exact same place.
If that sounds familiar, the problem may not be the decision itself.
The real issue might be the hidden autopilot driving your decision making.
During a recent coaching call, I noticed something that I see again and again with expats and globally mobile professionals. People often believe they're consciously making choices, but in reality, they're operating from subconscious patterns that influence how they think, feel, and act.
The good news? Once you become aware of these patterns, you can start making decisions from a place of clarity rather than autopilot.
Listen to the episode here:
Timestamps:
00:48 – Hello from Mexico City: life update and what's ahead
04:25 – Saying goodbye to the cats: grief, trade-offs, and staying steady
06:53 – The autopilot running your decisions without you knowing
08:23 – Why the brain defaults to autopilot (and why that's a problem)
14:43 – Autopilot #1: The Overthinker
17:09 – Autopilot #2: The Avoider
17:54 – Autopilot #3: The Hard Worker
21:13 – Autopilot #4: The Fearful One
23:41 – Autopilot #5: The Loyal One
25:49 – The hidden cost of not deciding
Why Decision Making Feels So Difficult
Most people assume they need more information before making a choice.
But what I've found through coaching is that the challenge is rarely a lack of information. More often, it's a subconscious part of us trying to keep us safe. These patterns were useful at some point in our lives, but they can continue running the show long after they've stopped serving us.
When you're standing at a crossroads, these autopilots often become louder than your own intuition.
Let's look at the five most common ones.
The 5 Autopilots That Influence Decision Making
1. The Overthinker
The Overthinker believes that one more round of analysis will finally bring certainty.
This autopilot constantly says:
"I just need to think about it a little more."
The Overthinker wants every possible scenario mapped out before taking action. It searches for certainty and complete mental justification before moving forward. The problem is that certainty rarely arrives.
As long as you're waiting for perfect clarity, you're likely postponing the very experiences that would give you the answers you're looking for.
2. The Avoider
The Avoider is convinced that now simply isn't the right time.
It sounds like:
"Things are too overwhelming right now.""
I'll think about it when life calms down."
This autopilot keeps pushing decisions into the future, waiting for a perfect moment that rarely comes.
The challenge is that life doesn't usually become less complicated. If you keep waiting for ideal circumstances, you may end up waiting much longer than you intended.
3. The Hard Worker
The Hard Worker stays busy.
Very busy.
This autopilot is incredibly productive, achievement-oriented, and successful. But sometimes all that activity becomes a distraction from asking the deeper questions.
Instead of making a decision, the Hard Worker fills every available moment with tasks, projects, responsibilities, and goals.
The issue isn't laziness.
It's the opposite.
Busyness can become an effective way to avoid slowing down long enough to hear what you truly want.
4. The Fearful One
The Fearful One lives in worst-case scenarios.
This autopilot focuses on everything that could go wrong and struggles to trust that you'll figure things out if challenges arise.
People driven by this pattern often want to keep every option open because having backup plans feels safer.
But keeping every door open often means walking through none of them.
The result? You stay stuck between possibilities instead of fully committing to the life you want.
5. The Loyal One
The Loyal One struggles with guilt.
This autopilot worries about disappointing family, leaving loved ones behind, or prioritizing personal dreams over other people's needs.
For expats especially, this can show up around aging parents, family expectations, or the guilt of building a life far away from home.
The challenge is that when everyone else's needs consistently come before your own, your decision making becomes less about what you truly want and more about avoiding guilt.
The Hidden Cost of Poor Decision Making
What surprised me most in my coaching work is that people often focus only on the risks of making a decision.
They rarely think about the cost of not making one.
But not making a decision is still a decision.
When you stay stuck at a crossroads:
Time continues to pass.
Opportunities come and go.
You remain in "pause mode."
You struggle to fully invest in your current life.
Your energy gets consumed by uncertainty.
I've seen this often with expats who aren't sure whether they'll stay or leave. They stop investing in friendships, dating, hobbies, or even practical things because they don't know where they'll be six months from now.
The result is a life that's partially lived.
And that's a price worth paying attention to.
How to Improve Your Decision Making
The first step isn't forcing yourself to make a decision.
It's becoming aware of which autopilot is currently driving the decision.
Ask yourself:
Am I overthinking?
Am I waiting for the perfect time?
Am I staying busy to avoid the real question?
Am I focusing only on what could go wrong?
Am I prioritizing everyone else's needs over my own?
Awareness creates choice. Once you recognize the pattern, you can decide whether it still deserves to be in the driver's seat.
Decision Making Starts With Self-Awareness
The goal isn't to eliminate these autopilots completely.
Each of them developed for a reason. At some point, they helped protect you, motivate you, or keep you safe.
The goal is simply to notice when they're making decisions on your behalf.
Because the moment you become aware of the autopilot, you regain the ability to choose differently.
And that's where real change begins.
The next chapter of your life isn't created by waiting for perfect certainty.
It's created by learning to trust yourself enough to move forward.
This is what I dive into in episode #109 of This Expat Life.
Listen here:
If any of these notes resonated with you, and you would like to explore more of yourself, my programs are the right containers for you to accelerate your growth or your next chapter:
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