How to Make Big Decisions (Without Forcing Clarity)
- Patricia Abarte
- May 27
- 4 min read
Updated: Jun 14
Lately, life has been moving fast.
In the span of just a few weeks, I was featured on Business Insider, quoted in HuffPost, traveling through California, preparing for another CoPilot launch, planning my move to Mexico City, and quietly sitting with one very big personal decision that honestly scared me.
And somewhere in the middle of all of that, a friend messaged me asking for advice.
He was feeling pressured to make an important business decision quickly. Two options. One deadline. Lots of stress. And as I was reading his message, I immediately noticed something:
There was too much pressure in the room.
And I realized… I had been doing the exact same thing to myself.
We often think clarity comes from thinking harder, analyzing more, or forcing ourselves to decide faster. But in my experience, the best decisions rarely come from pressure, overwhelm, fear, or urgency.
They come from alignment.
So in this episode, I wanted to share the exact process I use when figuring out how to make big decisions — especially when I'm navigating a big crossroads in life or business — and when my head and heart seem to disagree.
Listen to the episode here:
Timestamps:
00:19 – Business Insider feature and overcoming the fear of being seen
02:21 – A surprise HuffPost mention and what's in the air
04:00 – A friend's urgent decision dilemma: the setup
05:23 – Why pressure is the wrong place to decide from
07:18 – The mistake of fixating on A vs. B instead of zooming out
09:10 – The trust question: is this about the decision or about you?
14:08 – Envy as a signal: "Why not me?"
17:17 – Step 1: Does this align with your bigger vision?
20:32 – Pinpointing the real bottleneck (hint: it's usually yourself)
26:49 – The big reveal: she's writing a book
How to Make Big Decisions: Start by Zooming Out
One of the biggest mistakes we make when making decisions is focusing only on the options directly in front of us.
Option A or B.
Stay or leave.
Say yes or no.
But instead of immediately looking at the decision itself, I always try to zoom out first and reconnect with my bigger vision.
What kind of life am I trying to create?
Who do I want to become?
Which option moves me closer to that version of myself?
Because when you’re deeply connected to your vision, decisions become much clearer.
The question stops being:
“What feels safest right now?”
And becomes:
“What is actually aligned with where I want to go?”
The Real Fear Usually Isn’t the Decision
As I sat with my own decision during my California trip, I realized something important.
My hesitation wasn’t actually about the opportunity itself.
It was about me.
More specifically:
“Can I really make this work?”
“Will I have enough time?”
“What if I start this and can’t follow through?”
“What if I overwhelm myself again?”
And honestly, that realization changed everything.
Because once I understood the fear clearly, I stopped treating it like a vague feeling and started working with it directly.
I could create support.
I could make a plan.
I could adjust my habits and expectations.
I could meet myself where I actually needed support.
So often, what holds us back isn’t the decision itself.
I Ask My Future Self for Advice
This might sound a little unconventional, but one of the most powerful practices I’ve built over the years is connecting with my future self.
Not the fearful version of me.
Not the overwhelmed version of me.
But the version of me who is already living the life I dream about.
The woman who has already created the business, the freedom, the peace, the success, the relationships, and the life I deeply want.
And when I asked her about this decision, her answer was immediate:
Go for it.
Not recklessly.
Not impulsively.
But intentionally.
That moment helped me realize something really important:
My intuition already knew the answer.
My fear just needed reassurance.
The Decision I Finally Said Yes To
So… what was the big decision?
I decided to write my first book.
Even typing that still feels vulnerable.
Writing has always been deeply personal for me. It lived in my journals, my private thoughts, my newsletters, my podcast episodes. But recently, something shifted.
I realized I don’t want this dream to stay in the “one day” category anymore.
I want to create something meaningful for expats, global citizens, and people who live life between countries — people like you and me.
And yes, saying yes to this project comes with sacrifices.
Time.
Money.
Energy.
Focus.
But after walking myself through every fear, every possible outcome, and every future path, I realized something very clearly:
I would regret not trying far more than I would regret trying.
And that clarity changed everything.
You Don’t Need More Pressure — You Need More Alignment
If you’re currently facing a big decision, I want you to know this:
You do not need to force clarity.
You do not need to panic your way into the “right” answer.
And you definitely do not need to make decisions from fear.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is pause, zoom out, reconnect with your vision, and ask yourself:
“What would I choose if I truly trusted myself?”
Because deep down, you probably already know.
This is what I dive into in episode #106 of This Expat Life.
Listen here:
If any of these notes resonated with you, and you would like to explore more of yourself, my programs are the right containers for you to accelerate your growth or your next chapter:
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