The 6 Biggest Mistakes Expats Make When Facing a Big Decision
- Patricia Abarte
- 5 days ago
- 4 min read
At some point in your expat journey, the question will come: Should I stay or should I go?
It might be triggered by a visa expiring, a job ending, or simply the quiet realization that something in your life no longer feels right. On the outside, your expat life looks exciting—an international career, friendships across cultures, a city many people dream of visiting. But inside, you may feel restless, disconnected, or unsure.
This is what I call the Expat Dilemma. And after coaching over 170 expats, I’ve seen the same six mistakes show up again and again—mistakes that keep people stuck in indecision far longer than necessary.
Here’s what they are—and how you can avoid them.
Listen to the episode here:
Timestamps:
00:00 – The Expat Dilemma: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
02:10 – Mistake #1: Trying to Think Your Way to Clarity
06:30 – Mistake #2: Getting Stuck in Tunnel Vision
10:40 – Mistake #3: Relying on the Wrong Support System
14:55 – Mistake #4: Waiting for 100% Certainty
18:20 – Mistake #5: Ignoring Your Inner World
23:30 – Mistake #6: Believing Your Next Decision Must Be Permanent
26:40 – Final Reflection: From Overthinking to Clarity
Mistake 1: Trying to Think Your Way to Clarity
Expats are often intelligent, thoughtful, and strategic. That brilliant brain has gotten you far—but it’s also the trap.
When you’re lying awake at 3:00 AM, making yet another pros-and-cons list, you’re trying to solve an emotional, identity-level question with logic alone. The truth is, clarity doesn’t come from thinking harder—it comes from connecting to your authentic core.
“Your brain can map out endless scenarios, but if one puzzle piece is missing—or emotions are involved—you’ll never think your way to clarity.”
Mistake 2: Only Looking at A or B
When you’re at a crossroads, it’s easy to see only the immediate options:
Stay in your current job, or take the new offer.
Remain abroad, or move back home.
But this tunnel vision often hides other possibilities. Once you zoom out and reconnect with your long-term vision and values, you may realize there’s a third option—one you hadn’t even considered.
Mistake 3: Not Having the Right Support
Too many expats try to figure it out alone, or they rely on advice from loved ones back home who have never lived abroad. Their perspective may be caring, but they can’t always understand the unique layers of expat life.
The right support system—whether through coaching, community, or trusted peers—helps you break free from tunnel vision and see new opportunities.
Mistake 4: Waiting for 100% Certainty
Many expats hold themselves back by saying, “I’ll act when I know for sure.”
But certainty is a myth. You don’t need to know 100% before you take action. In fact, clarity often comes through action. Just like a hike where the trail splits in two—you won’t know if you’re on the right path until you start walking.
Mistake 5: Ignoring Your Inner World
Rational thinking is important—but ignoring your emotions is a mistake. Fear, frustration, guilt, or even curiosity are all valuable data. When you push them aside, they don’t disappear—they resurface at 3:00 AM.
Instead, learn to work with your emotions. Fear, for example, isn’t a “no.” It’s simply trying to keep you safe. Curiosity (“tell me more”) is often a signpost pointing to your next step.
Mistake 6: Treating Your Next Decision as Permanent
Even if we rationally know we can pivot, many expats treat their next move as if it’s set in stone. That weight creates pressure to make the “perfect” decision—and pressure leads straight back to overthinking.
Remember: every choice is just a step on your journey, not a fixed destination. You can always pivot again.
Moving Beyond the Mistakes
These six mistakes—overthinking, tunnel vision, lack of support, waiting for certainty, ignoring emotions, and treating choices as permanent—are what keep expats stuck in the Expat Dilemma.
But once you recognize them, you can approach decisions differently:
Zoom out before zooming in.
Trust your inner knowing, not just your rational brain.
Act before you’re ready—action creates clarity.
Work with your emotions, not against them.
Build a support system that understands your expat life.
When you do, decisions no longer feel like impossible puzzles. They become the next right step in your journey.
💭 Ask yourself: Which of these six mistakes do I recognize in myself right now? And what’s one small action I can take today to move forward?
Final Reflection
Facing the question “Should I stay or should I go?” is one of the most common—and most challenging—moments in an expat life. These decisions are rarely just about logistics. They touch on identity, belonging, ambition, and the version of yourself you’re becoming.
The truth is: there’s no “perfect” answer. But there is a way to move forward with more clarity and peace. By stepping out of overthinking, working with your emotions, and remembering that every choice is just the next step—not a permanent destination—you create space for decisions that feel aligned, not forced.
Wherever you are in your journey, know this: you’re not alone in the expat dilemma. And every decision you make is simply part of your unfolding story.
💭 So ask yourself: what’s the smallest next step that feels right for me today?
I’d love to hear your story—send me a message on Instagram @amandamaxime or email me at info@amandamaximcoaching.com.
This is what I dive into in episode #86 of This Expat Life.
Listen here:
If any of these notes resonated with you, and you would like to explore more of yourself, my programs are the right containers for you to accelerate your growth or your next chapter:
My online program The Co-Pilot (starting mid-October)
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