The Expat Dilemma: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
- Patricia Abarte
- 3 days ago
- 3 min read
At some point, nearly every expat whispers this question to themselves: Should I stay, or should I go?
On the surface, life abroad often looks like a dream—new cultures, global friendships, exciting opportunities. But inside, many expats quietly struggle with what I call the Expat Paradox: living a life that looks enviable but doesn’t always feel fulfilling.
And when that feeling lingers, it turns into the Expat Dilemma.
Listen to the episode here:
Timestamps:
00:00 – The Big Question: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
02:04 – The Expat Paradox: Dream Life Outside, Restlessness Inside
07:59 – The Expat Dilemma: One Choice Spiraling Into Many
10:40 – Choosing Between Versions of Yourself: Roots, Adventure, or Home
19:04 – Hidden Patterns: Overthinking, Guilt, and Avoidance
28:49 – Finding Clarity: Why Decisions Can Be Made Faster Than You Think
34:45 – Final Reflection: You’re Not Alone in This Crossroads
The Expat Paradox
From the outside, expat life looks incredible:
A career abroad
A buzzing social life
A city others dream of visiting on holiday
But the paradox is this: while it looks fantastic, it may not feel that way inside. Loneliness, homesickness, stress, or lack of fulfillment often coexist with the adventure.
It may look fantastic on the outside, but it doesn’t feel that way inside.”
This gap between perception and reality is what leads many expats to start asking, Should I stay, or should I go?
The Expat Dilemma
Unlike peers back home, expats don’t just ask if they should change jobs or cities—the decision cascades into every part of life:
If I change jobs, do I also change countries?
If I stay, am I settling?
If I go home, will I lose what I’ve built abroad?
If I move again, do I become the “serial expat” forever starting over?
Every option carries trade-offs—not just in logistics, but in identity.
3 Common Stages of the Dilemma
Through coaching over 170 expats, I’ve noticed 3 patterns:
The Quiet Build-Up Nothing external forces a decision (no visa expiry, no job ending), but unhappiness quietly grows until you can’t ignore it anymore.
Two or Three Equal Options You’re torn between paths that each feel equally valid—staying, leaving, or going home—and every choice means letting go of something you value.
You Secretly Already Know Deep down, your intuition has the answer. But fear, overthinking, and “mental noise” keep you stuck in indecision.
Why Decisions Don’t Need to Take Forever
Expats often believe they need more time to think, but many decisions don’t require months—or years—of overthinking.
When you clear the mental clutter and connect with your inner knowing, clarity can come quickly.
Execution takes time. But the decision itself can be made in a heartbeat.
Final Reflection
If you find yourself in the Expat Dilemma, know this:
You are not broken.
You are not ungrateful.
You are simply ready for a new chapter.
💭 Ask yourself: What do I secretly already know is the right path for me?
Because often, the answer isn’t out there—it’s already within you.
I’d love to hear your story—send me a message on Instagram @amandamaxime or email me at info@amandamaximecoaching.com.
This is what I dive into in episode #86 of This Expat Life.
Listen here:
If any of these notes resonated with you, and you would like to explore more of yourself, my programs are the right containers for you to accelerate your growth or your next chapter:
My online program The Co-Pilot (starting mid-October)
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