The Expat Waiting Room: The 3 things I say to Myself to Stay My Course after a Decision
- Patricia Abarte
- 3 days ago
- 3 min read
There’s a phase in expat life that doesn’t get talked about enough — the moment when nothing is wrong enough to force change, yet something inside you knows you’re no longer in the right place.
I’ve come to call this phase the expat waiting room.
The expat waiting room isn’t dramatic. It’s subtle. Life works. You’re functioning. From the outside, everything looks fine. But inside, there’s a quiet sense of pause — as if your real life is about to begin once you’re clearer.
I know this space well. I’ve lived in the expat waiting room myself.
Listen to the episode here:
Timestamps:
03:00 – Why one decision for expats becomes 10 decisions
04:09 – The concept of the Expat Waiting Room
05:23 – My own experience in the waiting room in The Hague
06:10 – Action brings clarity (overthinking doesn’t)
07:04 – Poll results: Expats stuck in the waiting room for over a year
07:48 – The hidden cost of waiting (not fully investing in life)
08:33 – Life is now: loss, perspective, and why waiting too long matters
09:17 – The work I do with expats to leave the waiting room
10:04 – 3 things that help you make decisions and move forward
10:26 – Tip 1: Identify your life era
14:15 – Tip 2: Have a mantra to stay on track
17:20 – Tip 3: Every decision has a trade-off
What Is the Expat Waiting Room?
The expat waiting room is that in-between state where you’re no longer fully aligned with your current situation, but you’re also not moving forward yet.
You might be waiting for:
clarity to hit you
the “right” timing
a visa decision
a job opportunity
more certainty about where you belong
So instead of choosing, you wait.
And while you’re in the expat waiting room, life continues — just not fully lived.
Why Expats Get Stuck in the Expat Waiting Room
As expats, decisions rarely affect just one area of life. A job question quickly turns into a country question. A relationship doubt turns into a future-location dilemma.
That’s why the expat waiting room feels safer than choosing. Waiting allows you to avoid cutting off options. It lets everything stay possible — at least in theory.
But safety has a cost.
In the expat waiting room, you often stop investing fully:
in friendships
in dating
in your home
in your community
Not because you don’t care — but because you think you’ll leave “soon.”
When Waiting Turns Into a Problem
Spending some time in the expat waiting room is normal. Sometimes you do need space to process, grieve, or let things settle.
But when waiting stretches into months or years, it quietly becomes a semi-permanent destination.
You start living in imagined futures instead of the present one. You hold your breath, waiting for permission to move on.
And the longer you stay in the expat waiting room, the harder it becomes to remember what clarity actually feels like.
The Truth About Clarity (That Changed Everything for Me)
Here’s what I’ve learned — both personally and through coaching expats at crossroads:
Clarity does not come from waiting.
Clarity comes from movement.
In the expat waiting room, you think more time will give you answers. But in reality, time without action often creates more doubt, not less.
When I finally decided to leave my own waiting room, I didn’t have a perfect plan. I didn’t know the exact destination. What I did know was what I no longer wanted.
That single decision — to stop waiting — changed everything.
Life Doesn’t Start After the Waiting Room
One of the biggest dangers of the expat waiting room is the illusion that real life will begin later:
after the move
after the decision
after certainty arrives
But life doesn’t wait.
Every month spent in the expat waiting room is a month where you’re only partially present — emotionally, mentally, energetically.
You don’t need full certainty to move forward. You need honesty, self-trust, and one step that creates motion.
A Final Reflection
The expat waiting room isn’t a failure. It’s often a signal — a sign that you’re outgrowing an old chapter.
But it’s not meant to be where you live.
If something in you is whispering that it’s time for change, listen. You don’t have to know the entire path. You just have to be willing to get up and open a door.
Because clarity doesn’t live in the waiting.
It lives on the other side of movement.
This is what I dive into in episode #94 of This Expat Life.
Listen here:
If any of these notes resonated with you, and you would like to explore more of yourself, my programs are the right containers for you to accelerate your growth or your next chapter:
My online program The Co-Pilot (starting mid-October)
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