Are you living in the Expat Waiting Room?
- Patricia Abarte
- 4 days ago
- 4 min read
If you’ve been abroad long enough, chances are you’ve spent time in what I call the expat waiting room—that in-between space where your life feels like a 6/10. Not terrible. Not great. Just… tolerable.
You’re not deeply unhappy, but you know—fully—that this isn’t where you want to stay long-term.
And yet… something keeps you waiting.
Waiting for clarity.
Waiting for a sign.
Waiting for a visa.
Waiting for a partner.
Waiting for the “right time.”
I’ve coached so many expats through this phase that when someone inside The Co-Pilot recently named it “the waiting room,” I thought: yes. That’s exactly what it is.
Listen to the episode here:
Timestamps:
00:00 — What the expat waiting room is (and why the name fits)
03:16 — Examples: when the waiting room is a place, job, relationship, or in-between chapter
04:09 — The “6/10 life” trap: comfortable enough to stay, not happy enough to thrive
05:45 — Why it’s hard to leave: your brain craves familiarity (safety) over change
07:04 — Amanda’s story: realizing The Hague became her own waiting room
09:22 — The truth: “Whatever you’re not changing, you’re choosing” (taking back power)
18:09 — How to get out: decide at 80%, set a deadline, take small actions, build awareness
What the Expat Waiting Room Actually Is
The expat waiting room isn’t always a physical place. It’s a pattern.
It can be:
a city that’s “fine for now”
a job you know you’ve outgrown
a relationship that isn’t aligned
a lifestyle you didn’t intentionally choose
a chapter that feels like a pause
You’re not suffering enough to be pushed into action… but you’re not thriving enough to feel fully alive.
This is where days start blending into years. And before you know it, you look back and realize:
“I never meant to stay here this long.”
Why We Stay Stuck Abroad in the Waiting Room
Most of us don’t stay in the expat waiting room because we’re happy.
We stay because:
Comfort feels safer than uncertainty
Familiarity is soothing to the nervous system
The brain is wired to avoid risk
nothing external is forcing a change
We tell ourselves we need “more clarity” before acting
And as long as the waiting room stays a 6/10, there’s no urgency strong enough to get us out.
But here’s the truth I had to learn the hard way—for myself and through expat life coaching:
Whatever you’re not changing… you’re choosing.
Even a passive choice is still a choice.
That’s why living abroad decisions can feel so heavy: there’s no single “right” answer, but there is a cost to waiting indefinitely.
How to Step Out of the Expat Waiting Room (Without Needing Perfect Clarity)
If you feel stuck abroad, these are the four steps I come back to—and the ones I guide clients through when they want expat clarity.
1) Make a decision (even at 80% clarity)
You don’t need certainty. You need direction.
And direction comes from choosing… not waiting.
This is the core of intentional living abroad: acting from who you want to become, not from what feels safest today.
2) Give yourself a deadline (a real one)
A deadline forces honesty.
It cuts away mental spirals, “maybe later,” and endless pros/cons lists. It’s not about pressure—it’s about clarity.
If you’re in the expat waiting room, time can disappear quietly. A deadline interrupts that.
3) Take small, momentum-building action
You don’t need a dramatic leap. You need motion.
Try one of these:
clear a closet
start researching places
have one honest conversation
book one exploratory call (with a coach, recruiter, mentor, or friend)
Momentum creates clarity—not the other way around.
This is one of the most consistent truths I see in personal growth for expats: action reduces overwhelm.
4) Become deeply aware that you’re choosing this phase
Awareness is uncomfortable—and that’s the point.
Once you see the expat waiting room, you can’t unsee it. And often, that discomfort is what creates movement.
Not shame. Not self-judgment. Just honest responsibility.
How I Realized I Was in My Own Expat Waiting Room
Someone recently asked how long I’ve lived in The Hague, and when I said “over five years,” I felt it in my body.
I never intended to stay this long.
The Hague isn’t my long-term place—I’ve known that for years.
Yet somehow… here I still am.
Not because I consciously chose it, but because I was waiting:
waiting for a relationship
waiting for the “perfect timing”
waiting for clarity
waiting for external circumstances to decide for me
Realizing that was a turning point.
I decided I was done outsourcing my life to circumstances. I wanted my power back.
And that’s when everything shifted.
You Deserve More Than a 6/10 Life Abroad
You deserve a chapter that feels like an 8, 9, or even a 10.
But you won’t accidentally wake up in that life.
You have to choose your way into it—one decision at a time.
If this episode stirred something in you, DM me on Instagram at @amandamaxime or email me at info@amandamaximecoaching.com.
You’re not meant to stay in the expat waiting room forever. Your next chapter is waiting for you.
This is what I dive into in episode #92 of This Expat Life.
Listen here:
If any of these notes resonated with you, and you would like to explore more of yourself, my programs are the right containers for you to accelerate your growth or your next chapter:
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