5 Summer Reflections I Want to Share With Other High-Achieving Expats
- Patricia Abarte
- Sep 14
- 8 min read
Why the busiest expats struggle most with hearing their inner voice - and what you can do about it
As a high-achieving expat, you've probably experienced this: your international life looks incredible from the outside, but internally, you feel disconnected from your own guidance system. After coaching over 150 expats across five continents and reflecting on my own intensive summer of global travel, I've identified five crucial insights that every ambitious expatriate needs to understand.
If you're living abroad and finding it challenging to hear your inner voice despite external success, struggling to build a meaningful community, or feeling like you're constantly adapting without a solid foundation, these expat life tips will help you create the fulfilling international lifestyle you truly want.
If you're someone whose calendar is packed 24/7, who thrives on being constantly on the go, or who finds yourself always looking toward the next destination rather than appreciating where you are right now, this reflection is especially for you.
Listen to the episode here:
Timestamps:
07:37 - Reflection 1: Why Busy Expats Can't Hear Their Inner Voice
09:15 - Creating Space for Intuition While Living Abroad
14:10 - Reflection 2: How the Right Room Accelerates Expat Growth
15:40 - Finding Like-Minded International Communities
18:53 - Reflection 3: Building Your Inner Home as a Global Citizen
21:25 - The Expat Chameleon Effect Across Cultures
24:11 - Reflection 4: Overcoming Fear of Visibility as an Expat
30:01 - Saying Yes Before You Feel Ready
34:39 - Reflection 5: Living Your Expat Vision in the Present Moment
37:39 - Celebrating Current Achievements vs Focusing on Gaps
Why High-Achievers Struggle to Hear Their Inner Voice Abroad
During my month of nonstop travel - from masterminding with inspiring business owners in California to reconnecting with family in Rio to hosting workshops in London - I realized something crucial: I couldn't hear my inner voice. Despite being surrounded by incredible people and having transformative conversations, the constant input without space for integration was actually blocking my intuition.
This is where I see so many of my expat clients getting stuck. You're living these amazing lives filled with opportunities that people back home dream about, but internally, you feel disconnected from your own guidance system.
Common signs you're not hearing your inner voice:
You're constantly busy but feel unfulfilled
You make decisions based on what looks good externally
You feel anxious about your next steps despite external success
You seek validation from others before making choices
You struggle with decision-making, even on small things
The problem isn't the experiences themselves - it's the lack of space between them.
"You're absorbing experiences but not translating them into wisdom. You're meeting inspiring people but not integrating their insights into your own growth."
The Hidden Cost of Always Being "On" as an Expat
Living abroad naturally puts us in a heightened state of awareness. We're constantly adapting, learning new systems, navigating cultural differences, and maintaining relationships across time zones. Add to this the pressure many high-achievers feel to make the most of every opportunity while abroad, and you create a recipe for what I call "expat overwhelm."
The expat overwhelm cycle includes:
Pressure to maximize every opportunity abroad
Fear of missing out on unique experiences
Constant adaptation to new environments
Managing relationships across multiple time zones
Building new support systems from scratch
Maintaining high performance in work and personal life
I experienced this firsthand during my California trip. Every day was scheduled with meetings, road trips, and events. While incredibly fulfilling, I found myself in a state where I was constantly receiving input but had no capacity to process it.
How Your Environment Shapes More Than You Think
One of my biggest realizations this summer came from spending time in Rio, London, California, and back home in The Hague. I noticed how dramatically different I became in each location - more extroverted and chatty in Rio, more reserved but still open in London, and differently social in California compared to how I am in the Netherlands.
This adaptability is actually a superpower that many of us expats develop. We become chameleons, able to adjust our energy and approach based on our environment. But here's what I learned this summer: this skill becomes dangerous if you don't have a strong inner foundation to anchor you.
"When you can adapt to anywhere, you risk losing touch with your core self. You start responding more to external circumstances than to internal guidance."
I could so easily adapt to all these different places, and that's a wonderful skill to have. But at the same time, it's so important to nurture that inner home.
Building Your "Inner Home" as a Global Citizen
What really helped for me was that in all these places, I was either with people that I could really be myself with - my family, my close friends - or I was in rooms where I felt it was safe to be myself, or I was alone.
Your inner home consists of elements that travel with you regardless of location:
The core components of your inner home:
Your values: What matters most to you, non-negotiably
Your needs: What you require to feel balanced and energized
Your patterns: How you naturally operate and make decisions
Your gifts: What unique value you bring to any situation
Your boundaries: What you will and won't accept in your life
This foundation needs to be so solid that the outer layer - how you show up in different environments - can be flexible without compromising your sense of self. In my one-on-one coaching, this is something that we do. We really go to the core of you, and we help you understand yourself fully at a really deep level, so you can take that with you and nurture that foundation wherever you go.
The Growth-Accelerating Power of the Right Room
Another major insight from this summer came from experiencing two different types of "rooms" - the business retreat in California and the coaching workshop I co-hosted in London. In both cases, I witnessed something remarkable: when you put like-minded people together who speak the same language, growth happens exponentially faster.
At the business event, even though we were strangers from different countries and industries, we all worked with the same mentor and understood similar frameworks. This shared language meant we could skip surface-level conversations and dive immediately into profound, growth-oriented discussions.
The same thing happened at my London workshop. Within five minutes of the coaching beginning, participants were sharing deeply personal challenges they were facing. My co-host was surprised by how quickly people opened up, but I wasn't surprised because I've seen this happen so often.
What happens in the right room:
People open up quickly and share authentically
Conversations go deeper than surface level immediately
You feel safe to be your real, full self
Others mirror you, challenge you, and support you
Meaningful connections form rapidly
You leave feeling understood and inspired
"The moment there is a shared space where people come in with the same problem, the same experience, the same context, the same personality, the same language that you speak - it changes the room and it shifts something inside of everyone."
For us expats, finding these kinds of communities becomes even more crucial because we often lack the natural support systems that come with staying in one place. We need to be more intentional about seeking out spaces where we can show up as our full, authentic selves.
Questions to Help You Find Your Right Room
Ask yourself:
Where in your life are you in the right room right now, where you can show up as your real, full self?
Where aren't you yet? Where are you perhaps craving a room like that?
A room of like-minded people who can really help you accelerate your growth?
And if you don't have that room and you want another room or more rooms, seek them out this season, this fall. That might be a nice little thing for you to do.
Why You Need to Say Yes Before You Feel Ready
Perhaps the most personally challenging part of my summer was accepting my first television interview. Even though my intuition immediately said yes when the opportunity arose, my rational mind quickly filled with fears: What will people think? What will my colleagues say? They will judge me. What do I even have to say? What if people think I'm seeking attention?
I had a moment where I seriously considered canceling because it just seemed easier. No one could judge me, I wouldn't wake up the dogs, and things would stay calm and quiet.
But I really felt like, no, my intuition said yes. I was leaning in, I was leaning towards it. And also it aligns with a bigger vision that I have and things I want to do.
"Your next chapter may ask you to show up before you feel fully ready. The courage to be visible is what gets you to your next level."
Signs an opportunity is right for you, even if it feels scary:
Your initial intuitive response is "yes"
It aligns with your bigger vision
The fear is about judgment, not actual danger
You'll regret not trying more than trying and failing
It prepares you for even bigger opportunities
I went ahead with it and I supported myself in my fear. I really looked at where this fear was coming from, what it was bringing up for me, and what I was making it mean. The real growth happens when you can be with your fear and support yourself through that fear and still do it anyway.
Supporting Yourself Through Fear
When facing visibility challenges:
Look at where the fear is coming from
Work with a mentor or coach on what it's bringing up
Do practical preparation (I did media training with a friend)
Remember that fear will always show up at every next level
Focus on why you're saying yes and how it serves your bigger vision
I'm 80% happy with what I said. I live by the principle 80% is good enough, then I let it go. I don't strive for 100% perfection anymore because that's subjective anyway.
Living Your Vision in the Present Moment
The final and perhaps most important reflection is this: you're probably already living elements of your dream life right now. We have such a tendency as ambitious people to focus on the gap between where we are and where we want to be that we miss recognizing when our vision is actually unfolding.
Looking back at my summer, I realized I was living so many elements of my bigger vision - traveling the world to do my work, hosting events that bring amazing people together, connecting with inspiring people, and feeling focused and purposeful regardless of where I am.
Of course, am I at the level where this is sustainable? Not yet. Does this happen to me every month? Not yet. Do I have the revenue that I want to pay for some of these travels all the time? Not yet.
However, I recognize for myself that my dream life is already happening. It's unfolding in front of my eyes.
"I don't focus on the gap in front of me, but I really focus on it, it's already happening for me. And so I hope you can do the same thing because you probably have this tendency of focusing on the gap in front of you as well."
Recognizing Your Vision in Action
Look for these signs that your vision is already unfolding:
You're experiencing feelings you thought would come "later"
Opportunities are appearing that match your bigger goals
You're naturally attracted to activities that align with your vision
People are responding to you in ways that reflect your future self
You feel energized by activities that move you toward your goals
If you have your vision, and you do at some point recognize that some elements of it are happening in the here and now, already acknowledge it. Celebrate it for yourself so that you already get to see, okay, it's not some undefined future I keep working towards and it's a struggle. No, it's already happening as we speak. So what more is going to happen for me? What more does the universe have in store for me?
This is what I dive into in episode #84 of This Expat Life.
Listen here:
If any of these notes resonated with you, and you would like to explore more of yourself, my programs are the right containers for you to accelerate your growth or your next chapter:
My online program The Co-Pilot (starting mid-October)
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