The most essential skill if you want to live abroad happily and successfully - especially as a solo expat?
The ability to carry yourself through the highs and lows.
But I mean, for real.
Life abroad is still life, and things will happen. Those things can hit you harder when you’re abroad.
And when you can’t rely on an inner circle close by for support, expat friendships that aren’t as deep yet as the ones from back home, or colleagues with whom you don’t want to share too much…
You’ve got to rely on yourself.
Now, most high-achieving expats know how to do this. They know how to take care of themselves and keep everything going (especially their job).
But here’s what I often see and did myself in the past: when things get tough, they tell themselves it’s temporary, that they should just work a bit harder, that they should focus on the positive, or that they can’t really complain because they have a good life after all.
And while that keeps the ball rolling in the moment…
This approach ignores the undertow that’s also there. The emotions underneath the thinking and the doing.
And those emotions subconsciously drive us much more than we realise, not always in a serving way.
Take the stressed out expat I recently coached whose solution to the overwhelm was to think and work more, in an attempt to gain control? Her focus on a game plan and overriding her thoughts didn’t get her far.
But when we made space for her emotions, she realised that she was actually really worried about a family member. And that working harder was one of her subconscious ways to deal with worry… But not really getting her further.
After that session she felt a wave of relief and a huge shift. She learned that she could be with her worry and that she didn’t have to fix anything, giving her much more peace of mind. Her internal state changed.
And that’s what I mean by truly carrying yourself. Not just in your thoughts and actions, but also - especially - in your emotions.
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