The stories we tell ourselves
As I was talking to some friends and clients, and reflecting upon some of my own recent experiences, I realised that we are often so stuck in our stories.
Stories about why we can’t be in a stable relationship.
Stories about money and what we think we deserve.
Stories about feeling responsible for other people’s emotions.
Stories about the rage that we carry inside.
Stories about how we look at the world with fear.
They are stories we tell ourselves. And we all have different stories.
I realised I was stuck in one of my own stories the other day. For years I’ve been wanting to travel California. But I was always too busy with Latin America, so I had never taken the opportunity to visit the US. This year, however, was going to be the year for my much wanted trip.
But there was one little obstacle: I needed to find someone to go with me. I’ve very often travelled alone (with ease!), but travelling in California seemed like a different thing. Lots of time on the road, national parks, etc. Something you’d rather do with a travel buddy, right? And oh, it would be perfect if this person would be my boyfriend too, just sayin’.
And this made me feel so restless. Here I was, with all the time in the world and zero travel restrictions, and yet I couldn’t go - because I was waiting for that other person to appear. I couldn’t even plan anything, which made me feel worse.
Until I realised: I can just go by myself. Ding dong! It hadn’t even crossed my mind that I could travel California on my own, I was that stuck in my story of needing to find someone to travel.
And by changing my story into ‘I can and I will travel to California, even on my own’, I immediately changed my state of being (into excitement) and my view (spotting opportunities instead of obstacles).
While this is a small story and a not very significant example, we do this with bigger things, too. And these bigger stories can go very deep, as they stem from limiting beliefs we’ve been carrying around for years (mostly since our childhood).
I personally deal with a persistent story about how nobody cares about me. If I’m feeling low, and something is happening in relation to my connection with someone else, this story easily takes control - and can spiral into the worst. I will feel alone, neglected, and like I don’t matter. Resulting in that I will retreat, thus isolating myself even ‘further’ (the initial isolation was something I felt, but not necessarily the reality).
Luckily I’m now aware of this story, also when it’s happening. This means that I can consciously change my story. When it’s happening, I pause, reflect on what’s really going on, listen to what I’ve been telling myself, question those words, and then change them for the story I want to believe in.
So in my case, I would change the story into that I’m not alone, and that I’m being cared for. This opens my eyes for all the love I’m giving and receiving, making me feel better almost instantly.
The stories we tell ourselves, and our limiting beliefs, can have such big impacts in so many areas of our lives: love, money, work, success, friendships, connection to others, trust. They work on a subconscious level and can hold us back, even when we desperately try to make changes. It’s like this invisible block that’s holding you back or a loop you’re stuck in.
That’s why it’s so important to know: what story are you telling yourself?
If you are realising now that you might be stuck in a story and long for change, one of my 1:1 programmes could be a good fit for you. Through coaching and/or breathwork we work on the conscious and subsconscious level, making long lasting changes.
Schedule a free call today to hear more.